Today I want to talk about the dreaded FEAR we all face. This post originally started out super positive about facing fears and I felt so empowered and strong, then something happened and it put me right back into my place of fear. And that is the ugly truth of fear. We can work to fight and face it, but it will always be there. It's whether or not we choose to face it head on or let it cripple us.
I'm not talking about the small everyday fears like spiders and bugs. I'm talking about the fears that prevent/hinder us from living our lives. The fear I struggle with the most can be summed up as Fear of Man. What that basically means is I put the thoughts and opinions of other people about me above God's opinions. That's the biblical way I view the fear, but fear of man can really apply to anyone. I fear what others think of me, disappointing them, not being liked by others, making mistakes and failure.
I don't really push myself out of my comfort zone too much any more. I've had the opinions of others really play a role in my decisions to not try at something. And that's not right. It's so easy to say "you do you boo boo" or tell someone to live authentically, but those people still have to face the judgement/opinions of others. This lead to me trying to be "less than" who I am because I knew my "too muchness" is hard to accept. Since I want others to like me I try to not be fully myself. That weighs a lot and adds up over time. If someone says they don't like me, I take it personally no matter how much I try not to.
An easy example of this, I was at the airport this past weekend. And I was on a buddy pass after an AMAZING friend offered it to me so I could do something fun when my long awaited plans sadly fell through. Well, I was already a bit on edge because TSA got a little (way more) touchy than the normal slide the back of the hand to make sure I wasn't hiding anything in my shorts I wear under my skirts. Typically they are very quick and easy and we laugh about how the only thing there is my fat rolls. But this lady was THOROUGH. So it was a bit triggering because it was more touchy touchy than I was prepared for (I'm so excited to start EMDR with my therapist to try to help me manage these triggers). The gate desk agent had accused me of being rude and threatened to have my friend's buddy pass privileges revoked. That sent me. Such a small thing that others would have been able to shake off. But my brain let me have it. I felt wrecked that she thought I was rude because I never want someone to feel like I was rude to them (I know, why do I care what she thinks, I'll never see her again) and then the fear that I may have caused problems for my friend because that lady interpreted my anxious question as rude.
I put too much care and power into what that lady said and thought of me, and how my friend's opinion of me might change thinking I was misrepresenting her with my supposed bad behavior/rudeness. That normally sits with me for far too long and then feeds my fear for the next time I have to interact with people. I care what people think of me and I know that is not healthy. I know that the only opinion that matters is God's but I forget that in the moment. I'm working on it, but I'm sure not perfect.
I also want to share a positive though! I do have those hardships where I get too far into my head but I also have started to be able to tell that fear to back off and keep pushing through. My best friend the other week literally told me f*** fear when I was saying I was afraid to do something. So I now have blue hair and love it! I've always loved my fashion colored hair, but I was listening to those around me about how I'm too old for it, etc. And when my plans for the youth girls retreat I was volunteering at sadly fell through, I joked about spontaneously going to Denver. Well when the opportunity with the buddy pass presented itself, I took it. That is 100% out of character for me. I am a planner and like things structured. But I texted my friend asked if I could crash, packed a bag and headed off! I had been wanting to go for more Denver hikes and I'm so glad I did! Such a small thing, but such a big step for me (mentally and physically).
I had the fear of turning this into a business, creating a website and sharing a blog. But I fought through all of that. It's been amazing to have friends support me and make new friends through this endeavor. There is the fear that I'm not as good as other sellers or that I'll fail at new techniques and designs. But through all of those, I keep going.
If I can do it, I assure you, you can do it too! Whatever "it" is, face it and work through it.
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." - Do you have a favorite quote that helps you conquer fear? Share it below!
Love you like glitter!