That One Girl
Do you know "that one girl"? That one girl who is too loud? That one girl who is too extra? That one girl who is too emotional, too sensitive, too talkative? That one girl who is all around too much?
Are you that girl?
It's okay if you are! I am. I have always been that girl. In grade school, in my teenage years, in early adulthood, in my professional career. Now at 30, I'm finally learning to be okay with being "that one girl."
Why am I sharing this? Because I believe it is important to share the rough, tough, and ugly that we deal with. You never know who is listening (or reading) that needed to hear what you're saying to know they are not alone. And we aren't alone. But it sure does feel that way no matter how many people around us we have and how supportive our friends and family are.
So let's break it down to why this story. If you've read my "about me" on the home page, you'll know that this business was started to help me find ways to manage my mental health. I was recently (and finally after so many different tries) diagnosed with Bi-Polar Type 2 disorder. I've been this way my whole life but it was always just seen as part of my ADHD and/or anxiety. In my stages of high manic, I'd be over productive and my brain was always busy, so getting creative helped quiet it down and bring my manic level down. But that flip side to being manic is the deep depression side. And that side is nasty. Some days I couldn't find the strength to even brush my teeth (and I'm paying the dentist for that now, trust me). I forced myself to go spend 10 minutes creating. And 10 minutes turned into 20, that turned into an hour, and more.
The spilled glitter kinda became a symbol of my life. The glitter was beyond gorgeous on the finished project, be it on a tumbler or coaster or something, but it was still beyond gorgeous where it lay, spilled out on the floor. That was me. So many people loved and appreciated me when I was at my best and thriving (the glitter on the finished project), but when my fall came (and it came hard) not many were there to love and appreciate me when I was sprawled out on the floor. I am the spilled glitter on the floor far more than I am the pretty, clean, finished project. And guess what? That. Is. Okay!
Are you the spilled glitter on the floor? You are just as amazing, and are loved that way just as you are when you aren't the spilled version. We don't tell people that enough. Sometimes our seasons of being spilled on the floor last longer than others' or are just more frequent. It's very common for others to want us to be on their schedule. They were totally understanding of our depression for a week or so, but it's been a month or a few and it's now time for us to get over it. And that needs to be on your time, not theirs. In February 2020, my life crumbled (it wasn't COVID related). To be fair, my life was built on some pretty rocky foundation to begin with, but the events that unfolded starting last February just broke the foundation for good. And then the world changed. We all saw that. We all felt that. My life was unraveling one circumstance after the other. So when I lost my career job I was unemployed on top of the crippling depression. I was a depressy messy. I had already been playing with glitter and epoxy resin, but I went to housesit for two weeks at my friend's for a peaceful get away. Well two weeks turned into two months and I was crafting A LOT! And it was there in the kitchen of my friend's house with her beautiful backyard view, Live Boldly Boutique was truly created.
So why "Live Boldly"? I needed to remind myself to do just that. I didn't (and still don't) know why I was and am going through what I was/am going through. What was/is God's plan in all this? I still don't know (I really wish He'd clue me in). I was at a place where I wasn't sure I could make it through one more day. I don't say that to be that too dramatic girl. I say that because it was true. Sometimes it is still true. I wasn't sure if I would have the emotional strength to be here the next day, so for that day I wanted to live boldly.
I grew tired of trying to change myself for others. I am loud. I am emotional. I am talkative. I am extra. I am sensitive. I am too much. And people are just gonna have to deal with it! Sometimes I falter. There are a lot of haters out there too happy to share their unsolicited opinions on your life.
If I could convince you (and myself) of one thing: there will be light after this. Sometimes our season is long. Longer than we'd really like. Longer than we think we can handle. I'm still in my season. I'm ready, beyond all measure, for the light. But I have to believe that for whatever reason, He has planted me in this dark and it's just not my bloom time yet. I'm trying to be thankful even in my long winter and find the beauty in it. And getting to share my inner thoughts and creativity with you is a pretty beautiful thing!
Dumbledore said it best "happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." Go find your happiness today (even if it's small). And never forget, the spilled glitter looks just as beautiful on the floor as it does on the finished project.
Love you like glitter!